I had probably my worst depressive weeks in a while. Though it felt great not to go out into the public social scheme, it got worse before it got better. My sleeping hours increased 30%. I have hypersomnia, but I take provigil which knocks out my afternoon naps from 1pm to 6pm. It wasn't working at this time. I will always be a hypersomniac, but 12 hours of sleep is better than 16 to 17. One of the reasons I love to stay home, even if my depression is bad, is I don't have to relate to the public. Then, I don't have to be responsible for my actions towards others, and I can avoid the ill willed intentions this world has developed. I hide, and I form into a meloncholic figure that just stares into space. This becomes part of my Schizoaffective Disorder. I intensify this process by marking a center and walking around it or straight towards it. This can last up to a few hours. When I stop and stare out windows, my concentration changes the scenery that is going on. Voices tell me what pictures to paint. They are ghastly, with corpselike shapes trying to enter my mind.
These are some of the things I go through. I am glad I can lift my oppressions on this site.
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